And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
