Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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