Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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