her vagine was all disorganized.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
