I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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