NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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