My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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