Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize