dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
