The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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