I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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