Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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