You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
