There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
