i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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