You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
