I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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