I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
