I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
