Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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