before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
