my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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