Ambien. No doubt about it.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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