Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
