Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
