and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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