Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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