i jhust puked up my retainher.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
