I think I am morally bankrupt
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
