birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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