It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
