chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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