why didn't you poke me back
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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