Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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