he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
