Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
