were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
