I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
