saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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