my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Everyone says I win the strip club
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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