I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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