Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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