The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
