Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
