Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
