My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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