Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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