What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
