Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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