she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
