remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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