Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
