He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
