At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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