So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Randomize
