So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
