Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
