So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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