All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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