is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
