there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
