I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
