The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
