i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
40s are totally the cure
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
