whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
