I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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