Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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