After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
