Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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