omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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