i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
